Pages

Wednesday, 16 March 2016

My Choclate Writing

We were learning how to make writing more interesting by adding smileys and objects we do this by writing the story in a bow and then we go on the second box witch is attempt 2 we make it better 5 times and the firth one is the best.The words that are highlighted in blue are adjectives and the words in green are my favourite sentience words.
Attempt 1:
I put the chocolate on piece of paper I could not wait to eat it .It felt as soft as a bubble as I was holding it.I saw the chocolate staring at me and wanting me to eat it.I smelled a chocolate happy place it was so tempting to eat it.As I put it in my mouth I wanted more and more.When it poped in my mouth my tongue got coved in chocolate as melted away down my throat.
Attempt 2:
I put the wondrous chocolate on my piece of paper I started to drool I couldn't wait to eat it. It felt like a round chocolate bubble as it melted in my hand.I saw the chocolate teasing me it was so tempting to eat it.When I smelled it I smelled a choc wondrous  place could not wait anymore so I slid it in my mouth .When it was in my mouth my tongue go covered in delicious chocolate as It melted away.
Attempt 3:I put the terrific chocolate on my piece of paper I started to drool I couldn't wait to  nibble it. It felt like a round chocolate bubble as it started to feel squishy as it metaled.I saw the chocolate was mocking me me it was so tempting to eat it.When I smelled it I smelled a choco wondrous  place could not wait anymore so I slid it in my mouth .When it was in my mouth my tongue go covered in delicious chocolate as It melted away.
Attempt 4:I put the remarkable chocolate on my piece of paper I started to drool I couldn't wait to  have a marvelous piece of chocolate. It felt like a round chocolate bubble  as it started to feel gowy as  it mealed.I saw the chocolate it was mocking me me it was so tempting to eat it.When I smelled it I smelled like best thing in the world I could not wait anymore so I slid it in my mouth .When it was in my mouth my tongue go covered in remarkable chocolate as It melted away.
Attempt 5:I put the sensational chocolate on my piece of paper even though I did not want to  I started to drool I couldn't wait to  have a sensational piece of chocolate. It felt like a round chocolate bubble  as it started to feel gowy as  it metaled. I.I saw the chocolate it was mocking me me it was so tempting to eat it.When I smelled it I smelled like best thing in the world I could not wait anymore so I slid it in my mouth .When it was in my mouth my tongue go covered in remarkable chocolate as It melted away.


4 comments:

  1. I love that u have lots of adjectires and similes and i also Love your writing. :}

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the comment now I will comment on yours

      Delete
  2. good work ella

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hello my name is Khatizah and i am in Waikowhai Primary School.
    the is awsome i love the adjectives and Onomatopoeias and full stop and
    Captial letters. How did you post it?

    ReplyDelete

To support my learning I ask you to comment as follows:
1. Something positive - something you like about what I have shared.
2. Thoughtful - A sentence to let us know you actually read/watched or listened to what I had to say
3. Something thoughtful - how have you connected with my learning? Give me some ideas for next time or ask me a question.

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.